I have for as long as I can remember loved The New York Times, and lately I have been crushing pretty hard on Modern Love, a series of weekly reader-submitted essays that explore the joys and tribulations of love. Being single, and in the best part of my twenties, these stories are not only entertaining, but also inspirational and comforting. The Modern Love series raise questions about how social media and dating apps are changing the way we view love and commitment, our fear of intimacy, the feeling of pressure to be in a relationship when we are kind of feeling just fine being alone, the endless obsession with presenting ourselves as perfect in the dating world, how to deal with ghosting grief, breakups and loss, abstinence and sex, love addictions, being addicted to validation, and trust issues, being asexual, in an open relationship or being in a sexless marriage, how to end a relationship, getting your heart broken so severely it feels like you can’t breath, or being in love and terrified to fuck it up. The list goes on!
These essays are sweet, funny, and truly heart warming stories. They are also sad, frustrated and angry stories, and all is told from a very true and honest place. In a time where everything we grew up thinking about love is crumbling, and we are faced with questions and situations that we would never have thought that we would find ourselves in, we need to address this. Like your girlfriends seeing the guy you have been dating for three months on Tinder, getting sexually charged messages from complete strangers on Happn, or dealing with being ghosted by someone you kind of really like. My girlfriends and I talk about all these things a lot. We are single, or in relationships, and in our twenties, and the conversation that The New York Times is starting with their Modern Love series is so important. Because we are all going through these things, and having these thoughts. But we are not really talking about it as something that is a symptom of our time, but instead put the blame on ourselves, for not being enough, or for being too much.
I love how the Modern Love series is starting a conversation about all of this. And not just a superficial one, but a conversation that is coming from a very honest and vulnerable place. A place where we can talk about the change and the challenges, and learn to lean more on each other. To truly appreciate our female friendships, and making it our priority to nourish them. Because all of this dating stuff, the whole love and relationship domain is not everything. It can be rewarding and wonderful, terrifying and demotivating, and it can turn your world upside down. Daring to take the leap you can find both love and heartache, but the most important thing is that you have a soft place to land. I have some pretty amazing girls in my corner, and I hope that you do too. Pretty amazing girls, with pretty amazing brains and hearts and views. We will all figure it out, don't stress about it. Feeling confident, being surrounded by your tribe of good people, and engaging in real conversations about these issues is the way to find some sense of trust in the fact that things will all fall into place.
Have a wonderful Sunday!